We found this one on the shelf of a video store and the name sold us right away. NUDE ON THE MOON. It was an obvious choice for our first film. It promised two truly romantic and erotic things- nudity and the moon.

And, well, we got some of the nudity, but where the hell was the romanticism and the eroticism...and frankly, where the hell was that moon?! OK, I guess it wasn't promised to us, but the title and the box cover certainly were suggestive, and my fantasies were stirred. In fact, to this day it's still baffling how the director turned the viewing of topless lunarladies into such an unstimulating unerotic experience. But she sure made it a funny one. That's right, this film was made by Doris Wishman, one of the leading women of independent film. She wrote, directed, produced, and edited this silly masterpiece.

The plot: two genial and curious scientists agree to visit the moon. One is an old gray-haired pipe-smoker who does his work in what appears to be a 9th grade chemistry lab...name: "The Professor". The other is a handsome young gentleman with a toothy grin, an ambiguous sexual preference and a bank account worth 3 million dollars (recently inherited from his late uncle who made "a killing" in the fur business)...name: "Jeff". Both wear identical grey jumpsuits with the Gryffindor logo patch sewn onto the chest. And speaking of chests...meanwhile, Cathy, the voluptuous secretary, secretly adores Jeff. Jeff seems much more interested in the pipesmoking prof.

The rocket is created out of test tubes and bunson burners, and somehow a caged monkey is involved. Finally it's time for liftoff. Luckily they've brought their walkie-talkies and their full-length, one-color cotton pajamas. Old pipesmoker in red, young stud in green. En route, they survive a meteor shower, an apparent masturbation contest, and they fall asleep, only to be awakened by the ship's touch-down on what clearly must be the moon's surface. Of course, it couldn't be a nudist colony in Florida. Otherwise why would there be trees, lakes and naked people, and why did that truck just drive by in the distant background? Did I say naked people? Yes, bare, unclothed, au naturel!...only it turns out that these indecent folk are mute and wear pipecleaners on their heads!

Will the Professor finally get his pipe cleaned? Will Jeff "straighten up" his act miles away from home in outerspace? Will this sexless and silent moon scene ever end or will we be stuck watching shirtless, impassive gals splash water with their feet, comb each other's hair, and nod vapidly for eternity? Find out when you see NUDE ON THE MOON!

Classic Sinus Moment:

"Professor, is that a 'but' in your voice?"
-Wishful thinking, Jeff

Drinking Game Phrase:

"Turn Around!" (yelled when the camera focuses on the back of the professor's head for a lenghty period of time).

Scalpings, stabbings, disembowelments, and plenty of good old-fashioned inbreeding humor are the order of the day in this special gory delight from the H.G. Lewis sleaze machine. It's a rare chance to see the drooling, bug-eyed Rodney Pringle in top form as he gouges and mutilates his way into the ranks of serial killer legendary--all for mamma, of course!

The Plot: This sweet, old, crazy lady operates an establishment that functions as both a wig-shop and a flop-house. It's location...across the street from an all-female college dormitory. Let's call the school "Skinhead U.", because inexplicably all the luscious coeds want WIGS! Did I mention that this little wig business specializes in human hairpieces? Did I also neglect to add that one-by-one the girls are disappearing from campus? Hmm...the police seem baffled. But, luckily for us the University has a snoopy little blonde named Cathy, who knows a murder when she smells one.

But who would commit such horrific acts (or acting) in this peacful, quaint community? Could it be Sven, the Swedish-immigrant cook, who suspiciously robs bones from the butcher's dumpster? Or might the culprit be Dave, the boring, tight-sweatered Aryan who's always attempting to work his way into Cathy's pants? Or maybe it's the evil pink goat!

Find out when you see THE GRUESOME TWOSOME! Did I forget to mention Napoleon, the granny's best friend and dead cat?

Classic Sinus Moment:

"Kid, if this is some kind of college prank..."
- It's no prank, it's my sweater.

Drinking Game Phrase:

"Lamp!" (yelled after a curious number of lamps appear in a room).

"They'll love the very lives out of your body!"

"Male research scientists are dying of sexual exhaustion. A government man (William Smith, biker movie veteran) discovers that a group of women have turned themselves into sterile but sexually driven "bees" who leave the men smiling -- and dead. Anita Ford (Big Bird Cage) and Victoria Vetri (When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth) are the queen bees who cover naked women recruits in sticky white goop and turn on the radiation. Beautiful killers in dark sunglasses emerge" - Psychotronic (writer Nicholas Meyer went on to write Star Trek 2 and Fatal Attraction)

All I need to know, I learned from Invasion of the Bee Girls

Drinking Game Phrase:

"The Dude!" (screamed after the name "Grubowski").

THE SINUS SHOW X-Mas Variety Show- Easily our most intense and original program to date, this show was created to simulate a night of channel-surfing on X-Mas night, with THE SINUS SHOW manning the remote control. Many late-night hours were devoted to researching and writing this piece, a collage comprised of over 40 clips from various X-Mas themed television and film specials. Using "It's a Wonderful Life" as its backbone, the show included bits from well-known classics like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", "Fat Albert X-Mas Special", and "A Christmas Carol" to the more obscure, "Star Wars Holiday Special," "Baby-Sitters Club X-Mas," and "Christmas Evil" to the totally insane (ie: "Merry Fucking X-Mas", "Horny Holidaze" and "Liberace's Christmas"). The live show also featured sing-alongs, free milk and cookies, and a special visit from Barney en Espanol.

Drinking Game Phrase:

"Christmas!" (yelled after the name "Mary").

Hands down favorite director of the Mr Sinus gang, Doris Wishman, is back on the scene with the inexplicable Double Agent 73. While vacationing at a nudist colony, Secret agent Jane (played by the overly endowed Chesty Morgan) is called in by headquarters for a top secret mission. Her assignment: kill heroin kingpin Toplar and all of his plaid-clad henchman. The agency also wants photographs of all the dead for identification purposes, and therefore surgically implants a 35mm camera in one of Chesty's mighty zeppelins, an unparalleled plot contrivance. With a gentle tug of the mammary, she's snappin' photos and handling the bad guys with her torpedoes of justice. Double Agent 73 boasts ample fodder for the THE SINUS SHOW gang's live comic stylings!

Drinking Game Phrase:

"Cheese!" (yelled whenever Chesty Morgan snaps a picture using the camera inside her breast).

Here's a piece of 80's cheese: a live-action version of your favorite after-school superhero cartoon, featuring Aryan hulk DOLPH LUNDGREN as He-Man, the musclebound ruler of Eternia, and FRANK LANGELLA as Skeletor, his bone-faced nemesis. COURTENEY COX (Friends, Family Ties) stars as an earth teen who gets caught up in the battle to save the universe, and legendary midget BILLY BARTY plays Gwildor, the hideous but lovable troll who leads the expedition to earth to recover one of the missing keys to the Universe, which has fallen into the hands of a young earth boy who believes he has found a really cool synthesizer. You won't want to miss the Eternians' first encounter with earth fried chicken! Skeletor will be there in person to frighten and harass the audience.

Check out He-Man.org!

Drinking Game Phrase:

"The Simpsons" (sung each time a character pressed the red light on the electronic dildo, a.k.a. the cosmic key).

This is the story of two men- a lonely clarinetist and his depressive sidekick- who both love the same mysterious girl in a peasant dress, leg-warmers, and rollerskates, who glows with thin neon outline like a Dallas skyscraper come to life. There's plenty of song and roller-dance as the 3 team up together to create the world's greatest disco parlor, Xanadu!

Classic Sinus Moment:

Coffee Eat Hotdog.

Drinking Game Phrase:

"Beera!" (yelled whenever the name "Kira" (played by Olivia) was mention by one of the characters on screen...John, the Latin professor, invented this one, and much to the surprise of Jerm and Owen, it was a huge hit!).

Star Trek V The Final Frontier-- No, not the one about the whales. This is the one where they kill God. The crew of the Enterprise are older, plumper and chop full of quick quips that fall startling short of witty. Cheap effects, awful acting and a plot that is plain silly. The finest scene has to be Kirk, Spock and Bones singing Row Row Row Your Boat around a campfire ("Captain, life is not just a dream," Spock argues.) Even fans agree-- this movie is crap. Most trekies pretend it was never made. Directed by Shatner; Cowritten by Shatner; Starring Shatner; It is the ultimate Shat!

Classic Sinus Moment:

"Maybe GOD's in here..." (pointing to his own chest)
-I'm GOD!

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrase:

"Reefer!" (yelled whenever one of the characters said the phrase "Great Barrier," which was the strange smokescreen covering GOD's home planet. C'mon Kirk, can't GOD just relax with a little chronic without you squares busting in like a bunch of Narcs and ruining his high?!)

This time the THE SINUS SHOW crew turn their withering gaze on this entertainingly dated Reagen-era action fable. The film answers the question, "What if the Russians and Nicaraguans invaded America, and only Midwestern high-school football players cared enough to resist?" A virtual manifesto for the NRA (the invading commies round up all the gun owners) and an amazingly prescient pre-cursor to the survivalist movement, the movie features early performances by brat-packers, Charlie Sheen (Spin City), C. Thomas Howell (the Outsiders), and Lea Thompson (Caroline in the City), not to mention the pre-Dirty Dancing pairing of the inestimable Patrick Swayze and the adorable Jennifer Gray. As always, Jerm, John, and Owen provide wise-cracks, skits, and songs throughout. Come shout "Wolverines!" all over again.

Classic Sinus Moment:

"My parents would want me..." (shoving his hands over the sides of his winter coat)
-To put my hands in my jacket pockets, but I just can't seem to do it!

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrase:

"Wolverines!" (yelled whenever one of the characters yelled the word "wolverines", or whenever the word "wolverine" appeared on the screen...or in the subtitles- yes, Red Dawn is a sophisticated picture, like a foreign film, really).

Jack, get back, 'cause it's Footloose, the sweet 80's story about a big-city, thin-tie wearing rebel trapped in a rural Midwestern town, who dances his way into the hearts of the local hicks, and into the pants of the local chicks. See Kevin Bacon compete in a deadly slow game of "chicken" using tractors...see Sarah Jessica Parker talk about diaphrams...see Sean Penn's little brother breakdance...and see a whole lot of Coca-Cola product placement. So kick off your Sunday shoes, and let's hear it for the boys, John, Jerm and Owen, as they promise to fry a lot of Bacon with this one!

Classic Sinus Moment:

(When we finally get to see Willard dance with Rusty at the prom he just flops around and slams his chest against the guys around him).
-Sorry, Rusty, but Ren only taught me to dance with other men...and little children!

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrase:

"Stimpy!" (yelled whenever anyone in the film said the name of Kevin Bacon's character, Ren).

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then Steven Spielberg must feel very flattered indeed. This shameless E.T. rip-off tells the story of a wrinkly little alien who gets separated from his family and enlists the help of a young wheelchair-bound boy. The film could have used some help from Spielberg (the acting sucks) and from ILM (the aliens here look ridiculous). But perhaps the most egregious aspect of the movie is its product placement, which itself is derivative: while the original E.T. craved Reese's pieces, this magical extra-terrestrial joneses for Coca Cola and McDonald's food-- why do you think they call him "Mac"? There's even a dance sequence in a McDonald's with a cameo from Ronald himself. Come watch the THE SINUS SHOW crew turn off Mac's heart-light as they dissect this stinker of a movie.

Classic Sinus Moment:

(Eric blames MAC for getting him in trouble) "I saw it, Mom. I was in bed and the little creature jumped over my head!"

-A young boy's first erection...

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases:

"Drink Alot!" (yelled whenever one of the aliens in the film whistled that annoying Casio Keyboard melody that sounded very much like the Ricolo cough drop theme song).

As fate would have it, this drinking game phrase proved difficult and clumsy, so we changed it midway to the much more effective...

"E.T, Go Home!" (yelled whenever one of the aliens in the film placed its hands in front of its face in order to communicate with its distant relatives).

In Top Gun, serious-minded young studs set out to squash the Red Monster in the height of Cold War frenzy. This time, however, they mostly wear Village People moustaches, hang out in towels in the locker room or in tight jeans. Add a slapped on romantic angle, some inventive insult-slinging (ie:You Stink!), a cheesey '80's synthesizer beat and some of the best flight action ever filmed, and wha-la: instant '80's classic! In fact, this film is so popular still, we had to get down on our knees and beg Paramount Pictures to let their print of the film go to us for a month.

Classic Sinus Moment:

(Maverick addresses his co-pilot during a mid-flight training mission) "Talk to me Goose!"

-Honk, honk!!!

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases:

"Meloncamp!" (yelled in response, whenever the name "Cougar" was spoken on screen...just like the old playground joke, "Where do cantaloupes go in the summertime?")

Can't Stop the Music is the embarrassingly awful pseudo-autobiography of the Village People, the world's greatest disco group, composed of the Indian, the Army GI, the construction worker, the cowboy, the cop, and a biker named "Leatherman." The film is so bad in so many ways, it would have you crying out "Must Stop the Movie!" if not for the team of THE SINUS SHOW, who will be sitting front-row-center, armed with microphones, jokes, and the will to turn this piece of crap into comic gold. How can a movie about the VP be so crappy, you ask? 1) Steve Guttenberg stars as a rollerskating songwriter who speaks his lines with the combined whine of the Olsen twins and the squeak a porpoise…plus he sings terrible songs, terribly. 2) This confusing film was made by first-time director Nancy Walker (the actress who played Rosie, the old diner waitress in the Bounty Paper Towel commercials who's always using the "quicker-picker-upper" to mop up spills…I know, let's give HER the camera!) and producer Allan Carr (Grease 2, Where the Boys Are '84). 3) The band-members attempt to hide their homosexuality in order to appease the conservative social moral standards of the early 80's and to sell tickets to a wider audience (Can't Stop the Music was billed as a family picture, and even had a marketing tie-in with the dairy industry, leading to the Baskin Robbins promotional ice-cream flavor,"Can't Stop the Nuts"). Of course, the suckier the film, the funnier the THE SINUS SHOW gets. Plus Bruce Jenner, the Olympic gold-medalist has a starring role, and you do get a lot of great songs, including a musical sequence for YMCA filmed in an actual YMCA!

Classic Sinus Moment:

- Oh no, here comes Chinese Grimace!

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases:

"Geronimo!" (yelled in response, whenever the Indian Village Person vocalised his 'oodle-oodle' bird call)

You will be completely immersed in this absurd x-ray into the modern culture of young American teens as you watch Britney taking showers, changing tacky outfits, singing a cover of Joan Jett's "I Love Rock n Roll," and running away from home to find fame and fortune in Hollywood. At times it seems like Showgirls and at other times like a Baby-Sitter's Club road movie. You will roll out of your seats with laughter when you hear her recite her poetry by a campfire…"I'm not a girl, not yet a woman"…and definitely not an actress! The THE SINUS SHOW crew will be there, microphones in hand, ready to "spear" this hilariously bad piece of trash with a sharp stick. In the 1980's Ralph Macchio, in his role as a blues musician, went to the crossroads to make a deal with the devil...who the hell did Britney have to bargain with? Answer: The Pepsi corporation. Keep an eye out for all the "subtle" product placements.

Classic Sinus Moment:

(Mimi invites Lucy (Britney) to go to California with her to audition to be a pop star) "I'll sing lead, and you can sing back up"

-Do you know who I fucking am??!!!

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases:

"You You!" (yelled in response, whenever the redundant and self-centered name, "Mimi" was spoken on screen).

"Sweep the leg, Johnny! Sweep the leg!"

Classic Sinus Moment:

(Elisabeth Shue, who plays the role of "Ali" is introducing herself to Ralph Macchio ("Daniel") who was just beat up by a gang of bikers)

Ralph: "What's Your name?"

Elisabeth: "Ali with an 'i'. What's your name?"

Ralph" "Daniel..."

-with a black eye!!!

Drinking Game Phrases:

"Slugbug!" (yelled whenever a Volkswagon Beetle drove by), and "Slugbus!" (yelled whenever a Volkswagon Van drove by).

You are invited to attend the official 2-year anniversary of THE SINUS SHOW party, which is in fact an all-night Pajama Jammy Jam! For one special night, join Owen, John and Jerm for an entire 8 hours of slumber party madness! Pajamas required, pillows recommended, although sleeping is not on the agenda. Come celebrate all things Sinus, beginning appropriately with a performance of the very first Sinus movie, Nude on the Moon! Re-live some of your favorite Sinus moments as the boys perform highlights from EVERY Sinus piece ever created, conduct one off-site recon mission of mischief, play bawdy party games (it is a co-ed slumber party after all), see video clips of the past lives of the Sinus Boys (Owen as telemarketer and Jerm as eye-patch-wearing rapper- just to give you an idea), see the guys skewer clips from John's private video collection (including late-night beanie-baby salesmen), watch scenes from the Sinus boys' favorite guilty and not-so-guilty pleasure movies, win fabulous prizes with your knowledge of THE SINUS SHOW trivia, eat smores, play games and much much more!!!!! Your ticket also includes an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet at 8:00 AM filled with all the sugary confection cereals your well-meaning mom would never buy.

Classic Sinus Moment: The judges would like a clarification on the word, "mumber" please.

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases: ALL OF THEM!

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"

Let the mockery of THE SINUS SHOW be the excuse you need to finally see (or see again) Patrick Swayze recite these immortal words. Starring a pre-nose-job Jennifer Grey (Ferris Bueller, It's Like...You Know) and a testosterone-laden Swayze (Red Dawn, Point Break), this sizzlingly cheesy tale of love and dance was the one movie John (of THE SINUS SHOW) swore he'd never subject to the Sinus treatment...UNTIL NOW! Dirty Dancing tells the story of a young girl's coming of age at a Catskills Resort in the early 60's. Grey is adorable as Baby, an idealistic young Jewish princess, and Swayze is at his ridiculous best as the macho dance instructor from the wrong side of the tracks. Featuring Jerry Orbach (Law and Order), Wayne Knight (Newman from Seinfeld) and a bevy of cheesy 80's hits on the soundtrack ("The Time of My Life", "She's Like the Wind"). Break out the capri pants and perms for this perfect end-of-summer movie.

Classic Sinus Moment:

Baby: I carried a watermelon

John (speaking for Swayze): Big deal, I popped a cherry

Baby (repeats): I carried a watermelon

John: So did Galagher.

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases: "Get the fuck out!" (yelled every time after Owen said the phrase, "I'm inside you!", spoken whenever the couples on the dancefloor crossed that thin boundary from dirty dancing to clean screwing.)

Look out, there's a bomb in the theater...and it's name is SPEED! That's right, it's the mass-transportation classic, starring Ted (Keanu Reeves), from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, as an explosives-expert/police officer (w/t/f?) who gets romantically mixed up with Austin's own local celebrity darling, Sandra Bullock (The Net, Speed 2) on the wackiest bus-movie ever! Hold onto that handrail and kiss your transfer goodbye, this bus is going over 50 miles per hour...oooohhh, that's fast! After about 50 minutes of this crap, you'll be screaming for someone to stop the bus and let you off, but Sinus will keep you strapped in for the whole ride as John, Jerm and Owen cover the film with jokes like a Bronx-native graffiti artist spraying paint on a subway-car canvas, or like Daffy Duck with a fat Sharpie and a knack for drawing moustaches. In the theater you will be served beer, and on the movie-screen you will be served a big slice of American cheese. Siskel and Ebert gave this movie two thumbs up. We give it two thumbs up...the butt! Which isn't really that bad...you should try it some time.

Classic Sinus Moment:

(Keanu and Sandy have just kissed for the first time in the film, as they are handcuffed to a poll inside a runaway subway car)

Keanu: I've heard that relationships which start with intense experiences never work out.

Sandy: OK, we'll have to base ours on sex then.

-Because sex with you would not be an intense experience!!!

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases:

"Me Off" (yelled in response, whenever Keanu's character's name "Jack" is spoken in the film).

The guys from THE SINUS SHOW asked visitors to their website (www.mrsinus.com...duh) to elect the next movie for them to sinusize. And, while Pretty in Pink took second-place and was short by only two votes out of hundreds, here it is, the film you most wanted to see mocked- Terminator, a sci-fi classic about a futuristic robot who is "living" on post-nuclear-holocaust earth, who then goes back in time to kill a girl named Sarah. The film stars Arnold Schwartzenegger, the Austrian-born former Mr. Universe, playing a role picked perfectly for a guy with his level of acting skill…a machine (a good excuse for his expressionless and monotone style). Truth is Arnie makes a pretty bad-ass bad guy in his leather jacket and sunglasses, and his mechanical one-liners (insert generic "I'll be back" joke) mixed with colorful and ridiculous '80s fashions and hair-dos make for good-time movie fun. Plus there's guns, naked men who fall like rain from the sky, a creepy metal skeleton, explosions, and death! But, don't worry, Jerm, John and Owen will keep things from getting too heavy…after all, the microphone is more powerful than the uzi, and the jokes will fly from the mouths of our Sinus heroes like bullets from an AK-47, and or something like that. Anyway, you chose this violent film over Molly Ringwald, so enjoy!

Classic Sinus Moment:

(Sarah Connor, played by Linda Hamilton, caresses her large iguana while listening to an answering machine message from a prospective date)

John (speaking for lizard, when it opens its mouth): Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...(you kinda had to be there)

Drinking/Smoking Game Phrases:

"Shiner Bock" (yelled in response, whenever anyone in the film said the following phrase: "I'll Be Back" (pronounced "Bock" with Austrian accent.)...this drinking game phrase only occured once, so everyone did a beer bong/keg stand during the middle of the show.)